Friday, September 17, 2010

Let her always win or let her cry, sometimes?

A hard part of parenting for me is to play with 'J' , although she has a very good friend living near to us, but there still arises ample moments when we two have a chance to play a board game or any game for that matter, but I being a sedentary person often try to play board games with her. Only rarely a chasing or hiding game.

We both enjoy the fun, but the condition is as long as 'J' keeps winning. May be in some way it is my fault as when she was 2-3 years old, to encourage her and create her interest in these games or frankly speaking, sometimes just to save time and energy I let her win. Now she is accustomed of winning and getting encouragement all the time. On understanding the aftermath I have started playing fair games now and most of the time this strictness leads to tears, shouts and causes great despair to me. Specially now in last two years when free time has been scarce.

In school also she is very careful about the choices what she wants to play as she watch out for the results. She gets frustrated if she looses, she feels shy when she falls down while running, but she finally accepts the result and does not creates a show like she does at home. So that is a good sign that a sense of fairness is growing in her at least among  her friends. And another sign is that she thinks and believes mum is modifiable with tears, shouts and cry! A typical woman, 'J' is,  all my men readers will think at this point, I know. But I have asked  mothers of boys from 'J's class and they say that they face the same problem at home. So guys at the age of 6 we all behave same, it is only that we girls (okay women!) keep the trait and use it even when we are 60 and boys somehow forget that along the way of growing up. Anyway coming to the point of 'J' s strong affinity towards winning. 

I can understand her feelings as I am also not a sportsperson and I spent my childhood being shy and not playing, may be fear of failure was also there. It was not that an issue for my parents as studies were the main concerns. They were actually happy of  finding me to be not interested in sports. But now I feel like missing out on those mischief, team spirit, fun and sweat that a good game brings. Also  in my thirties,  I am already struggling with extra (many) kilos and chronic aches in back, shoulder and wrist, because of sedentary work style. I know any kind of physical exercise will help,  the easiest one  I do too, that is walking to and fro to work. But  I so wish  that if I could play something. I could have used my free time so better. I could also have used that time with 'J' sharing fun,  tricks, laughter and sweat. For 'J' therefore I always encourage her to participate in all sports activities, and try to encourage her to enjoy the fun, and when lost try harder next time.

Jealousy, frustration, anger, sadness, love to win are pure human emotions, children are no exception, 'J' is no exception too,  I try only that the  during the process of growing up she learns to balance and accept fair amount of both win and loss, and she concentrate on her own progress rate in contrast to what and how others are doing. I am learning that too along the way, because it is very easy and typical as a mother that we compare our kids with others to get quicker reactions form them, hence we are the one to intrude a feeling of jealousy, competition, comparison, fear to lose in their small minds.

Childhood is a time of imagination, free flow, trial and error and learning through all these, and openness to sports, drama, music can give a huge boost to a child's confidence along with that good old studies.  It matters very less whether the performance was good or bad, what matter is the "tried my best" part.

1 comment:

  1. Impatient me, haven't read the whole post, but just the title. To be practical, yes, let her cry, sometimes... :(