Friday, February 11, 2011

Understanding the principles of mothering

Few days ago, a close friend casually sent me a link on 

While reading I was amazed about how passionate one mother can be for the so called well being, to bring out the potentials of her child, and doesn't every mother think owing to the nature of a new birth that she is provided with a handful of clay and it is on mothers (only)  who would choose to create a new or replicate from the existing moulds.

Although reading the article comforted me thinking that once in a while when I push 'J' to behave properly, to try new food, to finish her homework or to try playing hard accompanied with shouting at her, I should not feel that bad. But also then that is a normal repercussion, any body who losses temper on anything feels bad afterwards.

While undergoing through these thoughts I wrote back to my friend that although mothers are responsible for their child's success, performances and life style in future but still I will not like to put 'J' in so much stress through out her childhood, that is the best part of her life afterall.

This I say, as I was alright in academics but that has not absorbed all the hassles from my life. Actually the patience, the adaptation power, the networking skills, the determination to keep going which I have learned from my parents and others while peeping into their adult lives as I was a child has definitely helped me to face those hassles and find out a way and to many extent accept a situation after trying my best.

I will put my foot down if there is any concern of safety for sure but otherwise I will try to give 'J' chance more than once.

And while discussing this, I figured out the article is creating news all over. Mothers all over have been getting the link and every one is thinking about the stand they have.
I found blogger mums writing on this and I agreed,

I found websites writing on this, and I agreed, 

and I found the weekend edition of our news paper brought out a cover story on mother India (normally a neglected lot!)  on this and found they are playing quite neutral and normal. They are balancing between giving space or snatching it, being enthusiastic or being disciplinarian, being a working mom or being a stay at home but overall it is more of authoritarian mode of mothering than a "I am your friend type".

I went through all of them, and I am sure these articles are getting tremendous hits. But actually it is hard to say if over parenting (Indian/Chinese) or laid back parenting (European) can bring success and more so useful happiness in your child's life. Happiness cannot be brought or bought; it is a mental state, mind it. For what you strive today becomes absolutely dull and depressive tomorrow, don't we see that in adult life.

I kept wondering that does it matter at all on mothering only or there are other influences on a child's life, like father (why we mothers tend to forget them at all?), schools, friends, their families, extended families, their believes, social strata, country they are living in and so on and so forth can all provide a shape in our child's life.

From east  each year bunches of students leave their countries and go west in search of better livelihood and then we also see that youth from the west are going to east seeking peace and happiness. Many of them find extreme fulfillment in living a so called 'poor' life.

I will never forget the shine in the eyes of an artist and a mother when she showed us a photo book her son has gifted her while traveling in India for six months, just traveling with no particular reasons. Can an Indian mother imagine that? She will argue we don't have that much money to waste, but we all know that most of the westerners work very hard on their summer holidays and they finance their own trips. That kind of summer jobs mostly Indian children are not allowed to do as that is against the social norms.

'The principles of mothering' will remain an ongoing debate and a topic of strong discussion with differences in opinions and mothers from all over the world will participate wholeheartedly, and why not, a child remains in a large part of a mother's heart after all.

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