Friday, June 10, 2011

Little nuggets

When only I and 'J' used to live together, once I was quite sick (flu and fever). 'J' was quite thoughtful and she suggested me that if I die of sickness then she will stay in her friend 'P's house and they will phone 'J's papa to give the message. She will go with her papa once he come to pick her up.
After saying that, she added that she will be really sad if I die.

In the same year, once 'J' got up in the morning with high fever. I was checking her fever with thermometer. 'J' seriously asked me if I have already phoned my boss that I might need to take a leave as she is very sick.

There was a time when 'J' wanted to become a shop owner and wanted to buy all the things all by herself.
She still likes to wander in supermarket and act as if she is the salesgirl and shows things to the people. She always keep things in proper places and if I happen to carry a thing and then put it in another shelf, she takes them back to the proper place. Each time I feel ashamed of myself and proud of her.

While new in her latest school 'J' had to tackle a classmate who was very demanding. 'J' used to come back home with a very unhappy face.
On asking she would say, "My friend got katti (Hindi meaning not talking any more) with me." On asking, "What did you do?" She would reply, " I was also talking with other girl." Or somedays, she would say, "I was faster than her in writing down the answers."
She was sad, as she was strongly trying to make a friend in this new place. I asked her, "Why does this bother you so much?" " She is my friend mumma, how can she always say katti to me?" was her answer.

At age 7, friendlessness can be very sad. I agree to that as I feel the same even at mid thirties.
But I dread these moments as a mother because I know any instruction or suggestion from me can mould her character just like a play-dough.
I sat with her in a comfy corner, took hold on a cushion and casually told her, "May be she doesn't really want to be katti with you all the time. May be she gets upset and then says katti out of habit, but may be she does not really mean it."
I also reminded her that sometimes she used to be so with her best friend 'P' in the last place we lived. She always wanted to control 'P' on her friendship with other children. Yes, 'J' can be very possessive.
Her face brightened up little bit on this although she was not happy when I pointed out to her nature, but she understood how 'P' would have felt because of her pressure.
Then I suggested her that when her friend gets angry 'J' can remain quite and tell her that it is fine to be katti for a while and give her some time. I told 'J', "I hope your friend will understand that and will come to you again."
Next day, 'J' was beaming with smile and told me that it worked.
I was glad.
But, two of them were not meant to be together and there were further issues cropping up and 'J' was always distressed. So in the beginning of the new session, 'J' decided to change her 'friend'. And now she is friend with another girl who is being a positive influence on 'J' from day 1. Her old friend is also happy with another friend.
I observed this episode and I must say, children's world is not all innocent and happy and I was relieved to see that 'J' could come out of a attachment string where she was not happy and did not linger to it just because she ought to.
Although not totally innocent but kids are free of baggages and courtesies.
I hope she will be so de - cluttered in managing her relationship in future too.

Yesterday, 'J's papa announced that he can take 'J' to his office today, only if she gets up by herself, get ready by herself, pack her things and prepare her breakfast (Cornflakes and milk) and eat it up. And all this 'J' should do before papa. 'J' took the challenge and went to sleep very excited and tensed.
Today morning when I got up, 'J's papa was still sleeping, I saw 'J' was all ready for going to the office and was sleeping on the sofa. Empty cereal bowl was on the dining table.
On getting up she told me that she has taken her homework notebook and pencils in papa's rucksack.
In the meantime papa was ready too.
'J' was grinning from cheek to cheek as she could defeat papa!

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