Thursday, September 22, 2011

How inclusive you are? For your spouse

We grow in a family, learn to abide by the rules, traditions and rituals of our family. Some are being followed from generations some are build new just few years ago. We sometimes follow them, sometime argue against them and mostly when we get chance to live on our own, we learn to ignore/mould or modify many of them.

While doing all these we meet that special person with whom we feel we can spend our life. So we start our conjugal life as spouses, for the first time where two people from different backgrounds and cultures come together and make oath of spending rest of their lives together in happiness (yes, I know it is always not true, there are divorces, remarriages and so on, but lets stick to the good old fairy tale situations). So we start a life of togetherness either as live-in or as a married couple. Along with being a child, sibling, relative we learn to become a spouse and we also try to play all the roles perfectly on some occasion. Here comes the twist in our lives. Here is a twisted questionnaire  my readers who are already wearing the hat of a spouse or will become one sooner.

Living together, for two adult coming from different upbringing requires many skills, fine tuning and understanding. Most of the time we try our best and sometimes we fail badly. Being inclusive is the mantra of happy togetherness among spouses. Here I throw you some questions on how inclusive you are as a spouse? Or in other words, well no more explanations, go figure it out on your own. Read the questions and think about the answers in your mind, with no bias attached.

1) Before starting the relationship did you think that your partner will be a good choice for you or did you think that two of you will make a good team?

2) Did you think about the career/hobby of your partner when you decided for a change/transfer of yours?

3) Did you make a plan to gel with family of your spouse or you always wondered how your spouse will adjust in your family?

4) Although you are good friends with equal minded liberal girls but do you like have a not very upfront, shy and dependent  kind of person as your spouse? (Only for men)

5) Do you like to have a spouse who can understand you in and out, who should give you equal stands, who should help you out at home and outside but he should also treat you like a delicate girl? (Only for women)

6) Do you give the right to speak and act to your spouse even though you don't agree with him/her all the time?

7) Do you stamp down your ego and consider making up after a big fight with your spouse?

8) How did/do you modulate your life to make space for your spouse, his/her career/hobby in it?

9) Did you alter/left your career or relocate with a new job to join your spouse?

10) Do you think you are only the money horse of the family and all the rest will be taken care on their own?

11) While buying a stuff do you go ahead and buy it considering your spouse will accept it at the end, you don't care much about her opinion or you avoid the situation where s/he can say no?

12) How do you see yourself in the coming time frame of next 3 years
a) Holding a senior position in your work place by giving more time to the job
b) You look forward to a healthy career and couple/family with almost perfect work-life balance

13) Do you include your spouse while doing household chores or investing money?

14) How often you give surprises to your spouse?

15) How much of your work schedule or career path is changed after birth of your child/ren?

16) How often you complain and nag about your negative emotions to your spouse?

17) How often you fight with each other because of third party/ external reasons?
(e.g. bad work day or having a frustrated day at home)

18) How much do you believe him/her?

19) How often you keep a bad fight as a marker in your mind to use it for next time?

20) How often you enjoy time with just each other, with no laptop, mobile, ipad, T.V or kid in between?

No markings or no correct answers are there for any question. Answers to all question are very subjective.

If you think you are not enough inclusive then work for it, sincerely. If you think you are doing a very good job on being inclusive then go ahead and spend some fantastic quality time together with your spouse (would be spouse) this weekend.

Happy togetherness!

1 comment:

  1. :) thank you for that thoughtful note! I don't have the answers to most of the questions, but it does make me think.