Monday, January 2, 2012


Tata 2011

Yes, you are gone already but like every other year you were just there with me. I was still holding to you, I was stll talking with you through the office planner and wall planner, through memories and through my thoughts. Before leaving, you brought another year to us just like old tenants search e new one sometimes interms of good will with the land lord. Tata 2011. You were a very balanced year for me. You gave me 6 months of pure mommydom and 6 months of work. You fulfilled some of my long term dreams like visiting Provence and spending quality time with kids through the baking club. Just when I am saying you Tata (meaning good bye in Indian terms) I was wondering that we might have learned the word from the back of trucks which were only made by Tata company initially.

Chatter box 

J is becoming a chatter box.  I told this before right. Today we had to play "who can stay silent longer?" And of course she lost and we got atleast half an hour of silent zone! She is growing up in an environment of meetings, conferences, discussions etc. She and her friends are unknowingly including these terms and these culture in their playing.

A movie-Iti Mrinalini

This is a Bengali movie by Aparna Sen. Unfortunately I could not find any website of her in contrast to Mira Nair, another director, whose work I cherish. Aparna Sen lady holds a thought of pride in any Bengali womens' and in a few culturally aware Indians' hearts. I remember seeing her movie as a small child. The movie was called Paroma-I did not understand much of the movie then, but later I saw it again and many times and relished the intricacies of extramarital affair onscreen. I must say like Aparna Sen more as a director than an actress. Recently I have started liking her togetherness with her daughter. I like the way she gives, mingles and shares her life, her passion and her views with her daughter-Konkona Sen Sharma. Marvellous actress and  a very poised one. She can also give another dimension to an advertisement of a health drink.

Recent movie picturing the mother-daughter duo Iti Mrinalini  is a celebration of their togetherness. Many might find the movie a little slow and depressing but for me it is perfect. I liked the collage nature of the movie. Some pieces of which could have been bit more edgy considering life of a veteran actress as the story line.  I liked the scenes were mother and daughter were shown to singing together and the wall photos (used as decorative pieces) of both konkona and aparna were were mingling with each other in different shots of the film.

Another story between this mother and daughter was a movie called Titli.
J and I have seen that movie several times and we shared our own moments of togetherness singing the song "Megh peoner bag er bhetor..."from the movie.


That day, in office we were talking about roots. There were actually very few who feel they belong to a place, most others have gone one or more relocations in life and have become a bridge since then. There are few who feel lack of identity due to rootlessness and few who have made peace with the moves and being bridge between two states, or communities, or countries. I am a root less person, I have gone through my bits of identity crisis. I have learned to define my identity in my words too. Home is not a fixed place for me, I make this wherever I go.


Many people around us believe that spoken words don't weigh anything. They just come out and vaporises. May be. I like words more than numbers and I give lots of importance to words which are said by others or by me. I try not to say anything if I don't mean it. I have never said or promised anything where I had doubts. I always say, "We will see" or " I will try". J used to get confused or frustrated at the age of 3 or 4 where she needed clear concepts. But I survived. Now J, in her 8, understands her mother's language and negotiates further according to her word skills.

Growing up

J turned 8 few days ago. She is growing up. Soon she will start walking her own path. She will not notice the clock when her mom will come back in the evening, and on some days she will not comment, "Hey mama, you are early today," with a golden smile.
I felt I have given enough of pencil, crayons, balloons and chocolates as return gifts in last birthdays and this time I decided to give fun and fresh air as return gifts after J's birthday party.


J is struggling hard with her Hindi. I hope she will now pick the strings for writing Hindi. Being a mother I hate to see her struggling, but being a human I just am not strong enough to protect her from all the sufferings and struggles of life. I can just wish all the best for her. Earlier she struggled learning to skip, to bike, to speak and write English and so many other things. As a mother I really want to soak all the struggle from her life, but tomorrow I will not be there to do that for her, therefore may be it is better that she herself learn to soak them.

Being a mother

Is joy, happiness, patience, learning, power, responsibility, fun, irritation, helplessness, anger, struggle, dreams, selfishness, competitive,  comparative, understanding, challenging, balancing...
actually an intense full time job to do.

With this potpourri of thoughts I welcome 2012!


  1. Happy New Year to you,J and the Dad.

    I watched Iti Mrinalini recently. As much as I admire Aparna and love Konkona, I was much saddened by the movie. Titli has been a favorite movie of mine and I named my daughter that. Unfortunately except for my neighbor no one uses that name to call her :(

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