Journey or the Destination?

I was recently discussing with a friend of mine about the fact whether a journey or the destination is more important in our lives, she and I both agreed  that it is the journey.

Both of us remember the ways we traveled for work more than the work benches during last 5 years. One another friend thinks just the opposite. He doesn't remember the journey to his office but he remembers the table, the office room and the computer screen, he has used in his last places of work.

When I was looking for jobs in industry and in one of the few interview offers I got, I was asked what do I relish the journey of doing a project or the target. I proudly said the journey, I like the process of working, I like the knowledge I gather while doing a project, I cherish the skills I get to learn, I feel very happy if the projects results into a fruitful piece, but if not I feel contended that I got the opportunity to work there and I got to know so many people through that piece of work. I did not get the job, so I guess my answer was not appreciated. I guess in  a practical  and conformers world, objectives, targets and fulfilling them via any means are most important agenda. Those who try their best but can not achieve the target, some how end up being portrayed as confused characters and society call them not useful enough. I was actually asked by my boss that instead of thinking what I want to learn, I should think which learning will help me in my career. Also it is a known unsaid rule that in work places, although during hiring a point is mentioned that care will be taken for personal growth of the employee, but my experience says that any personal interest is taken care of only when that coincides with the prime interest of the company/institute. So after all an employee is just a mean to bring more production, more money and more fame to an institute, it does not matter if that employee has benefited by doing that or not. There are huge number of people who can accommodate themselves into that need, but there are a few who cannot.

World might work in that way, but for me the process of living is more important than trying to fulfil it all the time. I prefer to learn what I want than what is needed. And I must add the point that, for wanting a life where the priorities are set by me and not by  the need of the society or a situation, I sometime feel I struggle a lot more than who accept to live in a predefined formats, made for them, by the society or the family. By following my new rule book if I can touch high achieving model defined by the society, one measure of that is money, society will  then perhaps accept my norms but till then I need to struggle for existence, I need to keep explaining my choices. And this struggle can sometimes  be hard and lonely. I might never touch that model life of rich with money and fame and remain marked as an not so successful and not worthy enough.

Then on looking around I see that  there are actually many people who are in same shoes like me, they are not fitting into any group and trying to painstakingly carve a niche for themselves, living lives build on their choices. They are not high achievers (according to the conformists world), may be because of the decisions taken by them or the choices they have made, but if you think carefully they are the ones who make this earth more versatile, they are the ones who will not look at their watch and will come forward if they see some one needs help on the road, they are the ones who will listen to you carefully before giving you opinionated virtues without even understanding what your strong points are. They are the one who bring up new dimensions to the existing world. But unfortunately they are not acknowledged by the society, for the values they add to this world mostly are uncountable and qualitative.

Some might say, it is all rubbish about journey and destination, you need to keep going and need to stay in the system, fulfill some objectives at least, to bring a change in it. If for that reason you need to bend a little that should not be an issue. That might be true, for a practical approach even for a non conformist in a world of conformers. And what I say is that by any chance if you fall into this category then  you need to have immense amount of patience, courage and a strong head. You need to be able to make decisions on daily basis and have faith in them, you need to be have voice to say a spade a spade and at all costs, you need to have strength to pave a new road through the path untravelled.

And you need to keep travelling may wherever the end is.

Photo courtesy: Roads from different parts of India

Rendezvous with an old list

I have this habit of creating lists, list of goals, list of projects, list of improving skills, list of mistakes made previously, list of things to do, grocery list, list for parenting ideas, list of activities to do with J, list of things that J need to do in the evening everyday, lists of things I want to teach her, list of stories I want to discuss with her, list of authors I want to introduce to her, list of music to listen, list of plants to plant when I will have a dream herb garden, list of monthly expenses, list of ideas for frugal living, list of gifts I wish to buy for my family, list of gifts I want to buy for myself, wish list created in an online book store website about books I want to buy and eventually read, list the points for giving a power point presentation, list of website to browse, list of places to travel, list of house chores I need to finish urgently, list of digital photos I wish to print in hardcopies, list of accessories I would like to have with some of my dresses, list of new colour combinations for office ware, outline the points before writing an article or a book (only 2 theses so far), list of things I want to share with my sister, brother, and daughter as they reach different stages of their lives which I have already visited, list of commands for software use which reduces my dependency on mouse, list of movies to see, list of television series which I missed while being busy in different parts of life specially trying to finish my PhD and raising J both at a same time.

I make these lists in my mind, using my phone app, on random but  only on yellow post-it, on the back of an envelope, on the calendar, on my daily planner, on any piece of paper, printed on A4 size paper hanging on the sideboard of my bay, on the back of a letter pad, in J’s rough notebook, in my project book,  on the margins of a weekend news paper (other days I don’t get to read news paper in the morning), in my husbands phone (grocery list), on a book mark, using MS word in laptop, on the leftover portion of a journal article printout (specially I used to plan experiment while in research), using a power point (outline of a presentation).

Normally making a list is half of the work done for me, sometimes I make a list and then spend days weeks with very sorted and happy go lucky smile on my face. After making a list I am sometimes very keen on ticking them off, but sometimes eons of laziness prevent me to do anything about any or many points on the list. I ponder on the point for some hours to days and then that point might slip from my mind. Specially for things with no urgency like list of photos to be printed or so on. But the process of list making continues.

Then one day while teaching maths to J, while cleaning my hand bag, while turning pages in my daily planner, while cleaning the study-desk, while looking at the calendar, while playing with my phone apps, while searching for a word document in my laptop, while throwing some old envelopes, while collecting the bookmarks from old books I meet with an old list. It is almost like meeting an old friend, it is like going back in days and peeking at my brain in past, it is absolute thrill to read that old list again and finding how many points are ticked off  or for that matter not ticked from that old list. Also finding that the teaching names of primary and secondary colours to J was so high priority in my list few years ago and today I don't even notice when she talks about complex colours like beige, magenta or olive green!

Are you a list maker? How do you feel when you meet with an old list?

Summer holidays - some images

Imagination

'J': Imagine that you are in a forest and got surrounded with a tiger, lion, elephant, snakes and witches. How will you come out of them?"
Me (Just after coming back home in the evening: I don't know.
'J': Pass?
Me: okay pass.
'J': Stop your imagination (giggles).

Limit

J was nagging too much for watching TV. I let her do that and got busy with some chores. She kept watching for pretty long. On realizing, I told her, "There is a limit to watching TV." I switched off the TV and she went in her room with a meek face.

J went to play downstairs, and returned home late in the evening. I  showed her some anger ,"There is a time limit for playing outside."

One day to a naughty and lazy J, I said indulgently, "There is a limit of being so naughty and lazy kid."


The reply was then, "Mama, there is a limit of saying limit too!"

Drama Queen

J loves planning, making list and then doing them one by one. Only hurdle is she loves planning about play time, watching TV time, reading story book time, cooking/baking time and sometimes art and craft time. You may almost see a very matured girl in her while doing all these.

You ask her to include some solving maths problems or writing Hindi dictation in her daily plan in summer holidays and quickly she turns into a defensive, unruly, cry baby.
So much of drama, my god!

Happiness

It is so fun to see, how much excited and happy a child (even on reaching 8) can become by getting undisturbed time from her parents. J has divided her summer holidays into with mamma-papa zone and without mamma-papa zone. Without mamma-papa zone means weekdays, office hour, day care. She has friends there, she has fun too, but she so looks forward to weekends and for some days when we can manage to take a day or two off.
After going through immense guilt on not being able to give her enough time I have now made peace with it.
Actually in last summer holidays, I have gone through work at home status and have found that actually staying all day at home does not mean I was taking care of her all the time. I was still worried about my work.  After few hours of togetherness J used to start with her usual demand of watching TV and I had to agree on that. Also it used to get on my nerves sometimes to do art and craft, find games, cook interesting food, read and find interesting books and so many pedagogic duties every day.

Now we keep  most of our weekends and evenings for her and we all wait for the together time! Happiness is to seek, it can be found even with limited time.

Games

While traveling for many hours, while waiting for the eye doctor, while J or I get bored from our usual stuff, we have managed to find different word games and that keeps us busy for some time and we get fun time with each other!

Age 3-5

When J was learning different languages, we used to select a language and one of us would star a game by saying a word. The next person would say another word but someways related to the first one;
Example: car, wheels, road, lamp-post and so on

Age 5-8

Word Intakshari- One person will say a word and the other person will say another word starting with the last letter of the first word.
Example: car, road, drum, monkey and so on

Started at age 8 (actually invented this today while waiting for our turn in a doctor's place)

Sentence Intakshari: One person will say a sentence and other person will say a sentence using the last word of first sentence.
Example: I love food.
We should eat colorful food and so on.

Just so talking

Sometimes it happens that out of no reason J gets  aggressive or distressed. It happens mostly in the evening when we all come back home. There are mostly three reasons which I have figured out till now.

Hunger and thirst-some quick snacks like bread jam or even a milk chocolate bar and a glass of cold milk or cold water helps.

Physical discomfort-Headache or tummy ache or extreme tiredness from the activities of whole day.
Following the first step and then a bath and lying down wearing soft comfortable cloths helps.

Mental discomfort-Some not so good things happened in the day care or school and that could make J extremely vulnerable. It can mostly be some fights or differences in opinion with friends.
Sitting with J, initiating a talk by discussing about my day, telling her about my colleague and then softly asking  about how was  her day at school. She opens up like a bottle of 'bubbly'. I just let her talks and listen to her. Then we talk about several other things and somehow after around half an hour I could see her smiling and frown free face again.

Main challenge still now is to identify her problem and sometimes I also come back home with lots of baggage of discomfort! Those days, we both stress each other out!

 Such is life.

A free day- May 1

It was a holiday today, and yes, holidays have become precious in my life. Even more so after joining a private company. Today, the free day was counting more as J is having summer vacation and in her words, "I am really really looking forward to a day with mamma at home, and I will not go to the day care."

Unlike Europe where the May day started as beginning of spring and then eventually became a symbolic day dedicated to workers, May 1 in India is in the middle of summer. Yes spring in Indian calendars finishes around 15th of April and now we are into the season of summer.

Summer meaning raw and ripened mangoes, season of making pickles out of them, season of drinking several kinds of drinks, be it sweet or tangy lassi (with mango off course) or water melon-juice or our good old lemonade.

Summer also means Flame of forest  trees (Hindi - Gulmohar, Bengali - Krishnachura) lined on the side of the melting tar roads or corner of a street or close to a bungalow or near a pond in a small village, mostly in their red attire and some in bright yellow. The view of these red trees used to haunt me  during the summer days of my expat life. Now I see them every day and don't even bother to click a photo. I guess I would be taking photos if like IHM, a Gulmohar tree were there near my window and not a mango tree.

So, J made an elaborate time table which was like;
Watching a movie with mamma,
Learning about art work of Picasso with mamma,
Baking cake with mamma and so on.
She was singing loudly in her nonsensical style, something she does when she is really really happy.
On seeing her schedule, I looked at my office laptop from the corner of my eyes and then let it stay there resting for the day.

Also, I needed to stop my urge to sit with her Hindi or Mathematics school work today. So, I told her to create an ambience for watching movie while I will just check my mails. She called her friend and asked whether she could join us. A lucky yes was the answer! Joyfully J prepared three glasses of Tang mango drink. Yes, now a days, she can make glasses of lemonade or powder based juices on her own. She knows how many spoons of sugar to add. Sometimes the crystals of sugar are remain visible at the bottom till you finish the drink,, I comment, "More stirring will be required next time J,  but this time the drink was a marvel." Her face beams with sparkle. Naive dream for appreciation becomes so clear in her 8 year old baby face.

We watched the movie, her friend had brought a bowl of chips too! So it was a feast.

Had a quick lunch of no specialities,  but we enjoyed it thoroughly as this was not a weekend and still we were having a family lunch-a luxury that we all appreciated.

Well, when at home just after lunch I become a devil for need of an afternoon nap, J is complete contrast to that. She hates afternoon sleep, as if she will miss something from life if she does that.  We have agreed on each other's habit now, after many years of discussion and arguments.
So J let me have a small nap and reminded me of cake baking scheduled in her time table.
I dozed off with a Bengali magazine in my hand.
J called her friend again, for baking time. They have become quite good at it now. I just stayed in the back ground for setting the oven temperature and so on. They did most of the work and licked the batter-layered spoons with satisfactory yumminess. After enjoying the cake, they ran down for some fresh air and catching up with other friends.

A book on Picasso, is still lying there, we have read it many times, and I have started understanding something which I always stamped as very difficult, but just after reading this book with J, I felt actually no one or never I tried to understand his works before. We wanted to draw and paint like any of his work, but that might need to wait for next day of togetherness as time is ticking by.
Art appreciation was not part of our growing up. Being Bengali we were bound to learn about Rabindranat Tagore, Jamini Roy or Ramkinkar Baij, Ravishankar but  very little was told to us about international artists and their works. Off course my mother didn't have google! So what ever aesthetic senses she offered to me was genuinely hers and not copied and pasted. She is an excellent interior

Just now, when I am writing this blog, J is in her room, venturing on her own in her art and craft stuff, books and other things, she is in her own world of imagination. She is happy and calm.
This was a good day of togetherness and we will be waiting for one more such day in near future.

Hampi-The forgotten empire of India

Hampi - isn't the name very exotic? And so is the place. 

Doesn't matter how beautiful place is where you live now or how many exotic places you have traveled, I bet you will find it special in Hampi- used to be the capital of great kingdom of 'Vijayanagara'. Hampi is also mentioned in Hindu mythologies of Ramayana.

I wanted to visit this place since long and the dream came true few months ago. But this fulfillment just created a lingering 'returning back and staying there more kind of a feeling.' I went with great determination to soak the beauty of the place and turn them into words. I planned to write experiences of each day. I absorbed myself into every bit of it, and ignored the previous plan completely, thinking I will do it better after finishing the trip. On return I tried to write about the place on each passing night. But then I kept faltering.

I finally decided not to trap the place with my incapable words.
And after all a lot is written on this place in several books, articles and book chapters.
Hampi - the forgotten empire of King Krishna Dev Rao has been visited by several European and Chinese travellers in several hundreds of years ago.

The place was a melting point of trade through sea, culture and politics. It was a protected kingdom. It is still. It is like a open air museum which has come out from earth. Thanks to UNESCO, this place is kept with lots of care. 
We Indians don't really care for our heritage but for Hampi this does not hold true.

Just like several historical places you will notice Hampi is also well guarded by natural hill ranges, magnificent gateways, boundary walls and nature, still now. While writing about this place I am loosing my words. I am experiencing that thousands of words which I will need to paint this place may well be produced by just a few shots...

 

The exceptional color match between the tree barks and the stone carved magnificent structures

The chariot structures with detailed wheels and the closeness of a built structure in south of India to that of famous Konark sun temple in East (Orissa) of India. Showing nothing but good ties and evidence of huge kingdoms of past in India

  

The musical pillars in Vithala temple and also in groups. Pillars are very common architectural art from Indian past. In spite of so many temples residing there, there are only few where worshiping is still carried out. According to Hindu belief, a place where the idols are broken or damaged could not be prayed. So rush of devotional tourists are observed only in few places leaving lot more silent corners for your spiritual calmness. Virupekha (another name of lord Shiva) temple is one of the temples where every day people come for worshipping. 

 

The decorated and detailed 'Gopurams', functioned as gateways for temple and is often observed in Dravidian styles, Pallava kings made them famous and who knows these were like the gates of gated communities we have in today's very fast changing Indian cities.

Can you see the horses and people? They are actually representing the Arabic, Chinese and European traders with horses to sell in Indian market. India is not a big market just now, it has always been actually.

This yard in front of the 'Vithala temple' use to be market for selling horses, you can find many Yallis-mythical beasts (related to mythological stories of Narsimha) in the pillars  and how beautifully they are carved.

The queens bath and other bath. Our tour guide defined it as spa from those era, where sandalwood logs were immersed in the water to give scented baths to the royal people. Life has been always very good for rich people in India.

Lotus palace (left) and elephant stables (right). This quarter of the kingdom was strictly reserved for women of royal families. Specially when the men went for wars. Lotus palace had options of water circulating all around it to get air conditioning effect in strong summer days of Hampi.

Ceiling work explaining incidents from several mythologies of 'Ramayana' and 'Mahabharatha' in several temples, palaces and quarters, natural  earthen colors were used which stayed through so many hundreds of years of weathering.

The mornings and evenings in a hidden village of Karnataka, near the Tungabhdra river (earlier may be it was known as Pampa). Did you notice the Coracle boats? Oh it was wonderful to have a boat trip  and getting immersed in the ambience, just at the dusk.

Then there were market places, cosy and laid back restaurants and so many more.

A very calm and well kept place of India. If you love history, architecture, vegetation, nature, calm places, small town character and art then go visit it.

And as you stay there please don't litter and be a responsible eco traveller.

When they speak - III

Communication

J- Mamma, can I ask you something?

I (little dreaded as such permission for asking leads to tough calls)-Yes, darling, go ahead.

J- This is something I am asking on behalf of me and my friends (neighborhood).

I (frightened now)-What’s the matter J?

J- Can you please open a bank account for me? Where we all can keep money?

I (Shocked but with calm voice)-Opening a bank account is a good idea. It is nice that you are thinking of saving. It will be better for me to know why you are thinking of bank account.

J (fall into the trap and opened up)-Actually we want to communicate more with each other.

(The story behind; J and her friends are learning about methods of communications at school. They have made a channel for communication by tying rope to a toy bucket with that they pass chits to each other. But this method is not working with friends from other buildings. So they were thinking of wireless options walkie-talkie or mobile phones(even better).

I-Humm, I understand now. Okay put on all the ideas you have for communication machines and then we (read parents) and you (kids) can sit together and work on it.

J- Okay, satisfied she gives a full swirl!

Mother’s night out

Encouraged (or frustrated) we (the ladies of the neighborhood) from meetings, discussions and group making of our children and husbands decided to form a group of our own and planned out our first ‘ladies night out’ on Saturday night. Men were okay but our kids (especially those between 6-8 years) gave a hard time accepting it. They got together and shouted ‘This is not fair’ against us. They demanded that we get something for them on return. They wanted to have their own time and a picnic as we were going to have fun on our own.

All these kids have stayed happily at home or day care when their mother gone out for work, work travels, shopping and so on. But they have seldom (or never) seen their mothers going out for a party at night. It was really hard to accept. Party is associated with their birthdays or Dad’s routine. Why on earth mother’s need to go party and that too without them-horrible this is.

We did not get time for us

They got together on Friday evening, enjoyed the beginning of weekend. On Saturday, they played in the morning. They had sports day in evening. Sunday morning went by cycling together. They passed notes, exchanged storybooks in between. In the evening they glued again, played, laughed and joked with each other. When parents called them to come home at late evening – “Aww, we never get enough time just for us” was the answer in chorus.

Some all time inspiring movies

Some movies can be all time favourite for you. There are some movies which are my all time favourites. But there is an another list of movies for me, which are mine all time inspiring movies. There are days, when we all feel low, hopeless and cry-some. Those are the days when I can watch any of these all time inspiring movies and start feeling better, slowly. After that little betterment I find myself not that hopeless, and then I could collect myself once more.

Here are they in no particular order;

Julie and Julia

Extremely healing for me who loves food, who loves inspiration, who get stuck in not achieved enough in life syndrome, who faces extreme meltdowns. The movie portrays a legend named Julia child and connects it with the life of a regular blogger - Julie Powell in a same canvas. Marvellous movie. A must watch in my list. 

Monalisa Smiles

Julia Robert starer, well her presence itself gives a movie an extra edge. Yes I am a Julia Robert fan. The story is about feminism at its budding stage. Feminism in those times when women used to divide on this point, specially in western world. When education was considered en-route to classy and flashy husband. It is wonderful movie and I get charged up watching this whenever I feel isolated and rejected in men's world. Very feminist comment I know, but so be it.

Erin Brockovich

Another Julia Robert starer and a real life story, and this was the first movie DVD which I bought without seeing the prices. This is the only DVD that came with us when we left Europe for India.

Julia Robert is fantastic. Her being working and a parent together and struggling between the two for a quest of meaningful job makes it very loveable for me. I love the mentor who finally believes in Erin Brockovich and gives her required due. Don't we all look for such unbiased, helpful mentors?

The Pursuit of Happiness

I saw this movie in a friends house, I was stuck in some situation at that time and this movie gave the required boost. As a parent, I admire this movie. As a working parent even more. Most working parent don't get enough time for raising their child. They face many situations in life where they choose work over child. Sometimes they want to and some times they had to. This movie relaxes the rules of parenting. This movie showed me how to extend my parenting while walking with my child to school, or while doing some sundry chores with her. This movie also empathised with the situations where a parent have to choose things for their children which they don't admire, be it a day care or a school and it is not always possible to get the best for your child. Actually we never know what is best for our child. The challenge is to rear a child in all possible circumstances in most normal way as we can. 

Under the Tuscan Sun

This movie is an escapade to Tuscany and can be a mood booster anyway. Story of a woman, who looses it all and then gets them back but in a very different place and with different meaning makes the movie even more interesting. I would love to read the book too, but for now I find the movie extremely helpful specially when I feel like sinking and feel afraid.

Titli

It is a bengali movie, but a beloved one for me and my family. In rain clad European winters, this movie has given us immense warmth. Several evening after lots of tantrums and cry, I and my daughter used to cuddle over this movie. Titli didi is 'J's  one of the favourite characters and mine too. I love the mother daughter duo in the movie. It is my depression buster when the reason behind depression is parental guilt.

Paroma

Extremely Bengali and extremely bohemian. I love the edgy storyline and the journey of an Indian woman whose life path is decided by all others but her. This movie also brings alive the colours of interior of a Bengali household. Story tells the lonely struggle of a woman who dares to look outside of her marriage, who finds the eccentricity of her life again upon holding fingers of a stranger. Who falls in love with herself through an extramarital affair. I love this story of an ordinary woman who is then left alone in her life but who decides to pick living for herself. 

Umrao Jaan 

Extremely rich, extremely tragic and extremely engaging. This period movie has remained my favourite inspiration for so many years now.  The story is based on the life of a real personality. The story, its sets, costume designs and the actors make the movie collectable for any hindi or Indian movie buff.

And the list might go on with many more, but for today I stop here.

A quick note

Time is flying by. 'J' is growing up, she is also saying funny things almost every day. It is not possible to pen each and every funny moment a child creates in her parents life but here is a quick note of some of her recent tid-bits.

Riddle :
'J': "Can you tell a word that starts with a T ends with a T and has T in it?"
I was taking time.
'J': "Pass mummy, pass..."
I: "Yes, pass."
'J': "Teapot!"

A friend and a cup of coffee

It was just by chance; we were searching for a better house to live and we found a perfect one near to their' s. I knew her before as 'J's class-friend's 'P's mother. We met each other in the market street. She was a warm and pleasant person with lots of curls on her head and smiles in her eyes.

As we shifted to their street, they (family of 3) came to welcome us with a nice bunch of flower. I instantly sensed that we were going to have nice time. They knew we were temporary people in their street but they stretched their arms for nothing else but friendship.

Time went by and we started getting closer. I was in that time a shelled person with no confidence at all, I was all messed up and needed to get things sorted, I was trying to re-search some traits of mine and I was not sure about them. Her big warm hand, offering me a bond of friendship was absolutely the thing I needed then.

Need inputs for our 'All FUN Baking Club'

Tomorrow we are again going to meet for our All FUN baking/cooking club, after a break of 6  weeks.

Yes, the main emphasis of this club is to have 'FUN'.

So far we have made many fun things like self designed Pizzas, Chocolate muffins, Chocolate swirl muffins, Apple pie, Chocolate Souffle, Alu ka parantha (Indian flat bread with potato stuffing). A friend has gone for ice lollies and fruit sticks (they have another name- I cannot remember it right now).

The club is a group of five kids, all girls of age ranging from 6-8. They are very interested and very active. They and also I love the messy part of baking and also the part where we are allowed to lick the bowls and spoon of chocolate cake mix. Only I have difference that in the back of my mind a cleaning up monster keeps shouting and so after many minutes of messing up I start telling them that we need to clean upend a good chef always keeps her/his bench clean.

Well till now everything was quite informal. From time to time I took some photos,  I tried to pursue them to read cook books before starting some thing so that they get ideas about measures and weights also it helps them build reading habit, talk about the ingredients and stuff like how baking powder or yeast does magic and raises the doughs, also I asked them to maintain a notebook where we wrote our measures of a particular recipe even if the idea came from a cook book or from other blogs . But that's it.Spending time with them was fun, some times tough also as they can ask really tricky questions and they can get really messy or they can sometimes be in real mood to do something else like watching T.V! 

Little nuggets

When only I and 'J' used to live together, once I was quite sick (flu and fever). 'J' was quite thoughtful and she suggested me that if I die of sickness then she will stay in her friend 'P's house and they will phone 'J's papa to give the message. She will go with her papa once he come to pick her up.
After saying that, she added that she will be really sad if I die.

In the same year, once 'J' got up in the morning with high fever. I was checking her fever with thermometer. 'J' seriously asked me if I have already phoned my boss that I might need to take a leave as she is very sick.

There was a time when 'J' wanted to become a shop owner and wanted to buy all the things all by herself.
She still likes to wander in supermarket and act as if she is the salesgirl and shows things to the people. She always keep things in proper places and if I happen to carry a thing and then put it in another shelf, she takes them back to the proper place. Each time I feel ashamed of myself and proud of her.

While new in her latest school 'J' had to tackle a classmate who was very demanding. 'J' used to come back home with a very unhappy face.
On asking she would say, "My friend got katti (Hindi meaning not talking any more) with me." On asking, "What did you do?" She would reply, " I was also talking with other girl." Or somedays, she would say, "I was faster than her in writing down the answers."
She was sad, as she was strongly trying to make a friend in this new place. I asked her, "Why does this bother you so much?" " She is my friend mumma, how can she always say katti to me?" was her answer.

Bitten by a travel bug!

Travelling has been part of my life, from the time I remember myself. Mostly as getting uprooted from one place to another and then starting to live there. Along with this there has been touristic travelling, I have been part of.
I have liked most of them.

When went for touristic purposes, I always felt difficult to tear myself off and go back, where we missed visiting one or two spots due to lack or time or money or energy or all. Sometimes weather did not support us or we simply reached the place in wrong time. Museum/castle/palace/garden got closed as we reached late. Although these are minors. Just like few poppy seeds in a colourful carpeted floor.
Still I keep reminding them to myself and to the people around me and keep dreaming that one fine day I will be able to see, feel and enjoy that place.

The next time rarely comes.

Next time when we again sit to set our itinerary for a short trip or a big one. We check in internet and figure out that we don't have enough time or money and finally energy to see the whole of the place we are planning to. So we prioritise, heavily and new poppy seeds fill up my carpet .

Another part of our recent travel acts is that even in a family of three we do have different kinds of travellers.

Updates

We all played Holi, the spring festival of India or we love to call it festival of colours, with great fun.

It was mostly with organic, non-toxic colours and lots of water. As a child "Oh my god", I used to hate this day. Colour clad uncles and Aunts used give me great shock. I could never understand the fun behind all these clowning. But then slowly extrovert me overpowered my shy-self and I started participating in the Holi affair. I was so little concerned about 'J' and told her two days before there is a festival like this and she said, "Yes, I know, I will play Holi".

On the Holi morning, hearing others coming out and pouring colours on each other she changed herself into old clothes and asked her papa to make colour water in a bucket and went out loaded with powder colours and liquid colours. I kept looking at her! 

Then came my new friends and after ten years of expat life I soaked myself in colours of my neighbourhood and Indian spring. 

It was great!

Recently arranged a book reading/illustration workshop at home, where books from Tulika publishers were showcased and Tulika's two talented writers Sowmya and Niveditha and illustrator did the story telling and illustration session.They did a great job and kids enjoyed it. Many parents were there too!

A detailed account is given here.

'J' is having holidays at school. She is spending time having fun, reading story books, unlimited play time, drawing and time to time her mother is trying to make her work on Hindi (mostly in vein though).

Visit to the nearby fishing villages

Once upon a time, when we used to live in a small town, near north sea in Scotland, it was a Saturday morning, with no particular shopping, chores or things to do, or may be there were so many things to do that we were not bothering to start on something, progressing and finishing them. But on the other hand we were looking for an escape. An escape that won't cost extra, an escape that won't require planning, an escape that won't be indoor wandering inside a big building called a supermarket, an escape that won't be putting a DVD inside the box and watch it running for next 3 hours, an escape where we can relish all our senses. 

So, we started to think hard, I made two cups of Tea (Black one!) for us and gave a bowl of Cornflakes and milk to 'J' in between and started to think again. We thought this and we thought that. Then we decided why not we get dressed, walk to the nearest bust stop, buy a day long family bus ticket, travel the full route of the bus,  hop out whenever we feel like and hop in when we want to go to the next place.  That bus no. 95 took us to the nearby villages and we found so many gems, which I never bothered to care for and look around, before. And little I knew then, that particular day in my memory will be one of the most colorful and rich days for several months.

On the very picturesque way along the sea, we saw the fields laced with green plantation of corn and wheat. We found a wind mill far away standing alone near the sea,  we saw the metal crosses seeking out from the unknown churches belonging to small villages, where mostly the architectures are still kept like they were hundreds of years ago, mostly made up of stones.

First we went to a pottery shop, it was a nice little shop with nice cordial people, eager to show their things and tell about how they make them, but there was no air of competitiveness and ego. They have a small and steady clientele, and some times a tourist or two drop in their shop buy some small items, they don't want more than that. This pottery is run by a a family, a trend becoming so rare to see now a days. 

A ladies night out

Recently I was invited for a "ladies night out" organized by  'J''s friend's mum  and in oppose to other times, I accepted the opportunity, one because 'J's best friend's dad offered that he will be happy to babysit 'J' too, along with his daughter. As 'J' friend's mum (and she has become my best friend in my last two years of living here) was also invited in the party and two, because this might be the final occasion for me to meet all the fantastic women who happened to be also the mums of kids going to the same class or to the same school as 'J'. Here are the few points I observed that evening and would like to share with my readers.

They are a bunch of wonderful and happy women, working full time, working part time, work at home mums (WAHMs), stay at home mums (SAHMs) having one two or three kids.

It was a fantastic evening,  I met with many of them for the first time and it took no time to gel, the common grounds for discussion were of course kids, health, work,  travel, politics, UK, India and so on. Topics very diverse and very much fun.

It was a group of around 20 mums, all of whom came to the party looking very pretty and chic. All are very hardworking women, and as an Indian I respect them a lot as they take care of there houses, kids, work, extended families, gardens, extensive hobby and also find time to get involved in some volunteering activities.

This completely Do It Yourself  (DIY) concept is still unknown in India. Having some sort of domestic help is a common norm in India. May be Indian women will say that life is easy in out here with all the modern facilities. But I having seen both sides of the world,  still think it is very very hard to do everything on our own albeit having all those modern equipments. And this DIY brings a special kind of satisfaction and happiness, also keeps those vital bones fit. A 75 year old lady, coming to do her weekly shopping in a supermarket, or a gang of them having a chat with afternoon coffee in a corner cafeteria is a common scene in Europe. No it is not all about money, it is about the art of living, enjoying and appreciating the life that we have got.

As I will be leaving for India soon, they asked me about my plans, whether I am going to start on something, and I told them that nothing is clear yet, but I am fine with that, as I will be happy to get  few days/months of freedom form a 9-5 compulsive job. Last two years I had very busy schedule and there are many things I feel like that I need to catch up.

They absolutely agreed on it and I found almost all of them have gone or are going through this phase, and they absolutely don't aim for 24/7/whole adult years of work life. They are all qualified professionally but they have carved or are carving out a special path for their life where they can take care of their career/child/family in their own terms. Also, they are the second generation of working women in Europe, they have started taking it easy now. Europe also has many options for women with small kids of going part time or taking sabbaticals.

Any professional man can think that they are crazy, some of the ladies echoed that they do get guilt pangs occasionally but they all agreed that they think their lives are very enriched. Their motto in life is not to reach the top, but to live a full circle.

I was watching them, talking with them and appreciating them in my heart.

So ladies cheers, next time when you all will meet, I might not be there sitting with you, but your laughter and cheerfulness will remain as a treasure in my heart forever.

When the summer meets the winter

While coming home from work on Friday evening, the evening which is my favourite of all others, as it is a bridge between work full weekdays and the household work full weekends (for any Indian living outside India will know). Therefore friday evening is the only time when I feel happy, free and workless.

This evening though I was wanting to work or more precisely to cook  and that was to mix summer with the winter. 

Yes, in India the summer and winter vegetables are very different and as a child when cold storages and imports from all over the world where not norms our vegetable dishes as well as staple and non vegetarian dishes were distinctly different in summer and winter. 

Hot summer was time for cold watery produces like different kinds of guards (bottle, bitter), okra, pumpkin, drumsticks, aubergine, plantain, squash, raw papaya, Saag (Hindi/bengali for several leafy vegetables other than spinach) and so on. Non vegetarian dishes were mostly fishes. Chicken and goat meat came on the table mostly once a week. Fruits where mainly mangoes (of different colour, creeds and tastes), melons (again different colour and types), banana, papaya. 

Winter was time of all the bileti (Bengali for foreign) vegetables introduced to India by Portuguese or British during long colonial exposure of India. They where cauliflower, cabbages, radish, carrots, french beans, capsicum, spinach, tomatoes, potatoes, chillies (can you imagine chilli is not our own!) and many others. Indian population who were vegetarian by vast majority immediately accepted these new vegetables, started growing them in Indian soil,  deep stirred, deep fried and curried them in several combinations, these treatment made them distinct from their boiled and poached forms like the Portuguese or British people were used to eat. Fruits in winter where mainly oranges (they were though brought by Persians perhaps or may be the originals from India), pomegranate and grapefruits. It was a fun sitting under the sun in winter holiday afternoons reading a magazine or a story book and eating oranges neatly the segments separated in a plate, with little salt and pepper sprinkled over it.  Chicken, goat, lamb and wild, hunted meats (games) were common in these months for non vegetarians. Fishes used to take a back seat in this season.

In between two separate seasons of vegetables, two times a year there used to be a medley of produces.  In the spring, when winter was going and summer was coming, so the winter vegetables would say good bye shortly after they meet with their summer cousins. The reverse would happen in the autumn.   Spring and autumn also coincided with many festive occasions of the year. In these two times generations of our grand mother and their mothers took the golden opportunity of mixing the summer and winter together and carved out several dishes consisting of mixed vegetables, the choice of vegetables depending on the family preferences and availability. There were a genre of mixed vegetables created, some times along with Paneer/chana  (Hindi/Bengali for home made fresh cheese) or Bada (Bengali for fried balls made from soaked lentils). Later when Soybean was introduced in Indian diets, chunks of Soybean fibres also got entry in mixed vegetable team.

Now it is difficult to see these pattern, almost every fruit and vegetables (cold storage or imported) are available all the time so we are free to mix summer with winter through out the year. 

I took the chance this friday and took out the vegetables available in the freeze or freezer, added potato and onion. Cut them in squares and stripes. 

Then I went to check which spices I will be using, and combined them together. Panch phoron a Bengali 5 spices (whole ones) and bay leaves were inviting me, along with normal cumin powder, ginger powder, coriander powder I add in almost whatever I cook. Then I had to use few slitted green chilli peppers.

In the freezer a packet of tiger prawns was waiting to be used. So I thought why not? Bengalis are master in mixing fish with vegetables, mainly prawns or some parts of big fishes. These dishes are very popular local cuisines and has been taken by the diaspora to far away lands like Europe and USA! Some examples are lau chingri  (prawns wit bottle guard) or kumro chingri (prawns with yellow pumpkin or butternut squash) or even more exotic is enchor -chingri (prawns with green jack fruit). There are several other such dishes with leafy vegetables, potato and other vegetables.  One friend of ours has gone further and patented on a nice combination of cauliflower and prawns. Which I also cook a lot specially while friends are invited. So I decided to use the prawns in my mixed vegetable medley. Deveined and cleaned they already were. I readied them by sprinkling some salt and turmeric powder on.

So after all the arrangements, I heated a wok, added oil, added the panch phoron (five spices), bay leaves and slitted green chilli peppers. Sauteed a little and then added the vegetables along with the chopped onions, only the tomatoes were kept aside. Let them time to be soft, take colour and mingle with each other. On the way as my hands were still itching so I added some pav-bhaji masala powder (just like famous garam masala, it is yet another blend of Indian grounded spices in particular proportion, but are also available readymade in Indian/Asian stores or even from Amazon from companies like Badshah, Shan, MDH etc). Kept stirring till oil starts coming off, added the prawns and finally I added the chopped tomatoes.

After little more stirring, added some ( half a cup or so) water, covered the wok while turning the heat to low.
In between I saw outside was still bright and my "Friday-free" mind cajoled me to take some shots of uncontrollable wild growing in my backyard.

After 10-15 minutes, opening the cover filled the kitchen with soft aroma of all vegetables along with the salty smell of prawn. Boiled plain rice was ready in the microwave. 

So I and 'J' had a delicious dinner of mixed vegetable-prawn medley, rice, and some masoor Dal , sizzled with fresh coriander leaves (Hindi for red lentil soup). My picky eater 'J' liked the medley for the prawns and not so strong flavour left of any greens used here. She when licked her finger saying yum, I added "Absolutely perfect for a Friday evening"!

If you are longing for more, here are some links for other mixed vegetable recipes for your hungry mind which are cooked in different parts of India:

Labra: A festive combination of vegetables and spices  (from Bengal or eastern India)

Navratan korma (Kashmir and other northern part of India)

Avial (from southern India)

Pav-bhaji (Mainly from Bombay or western India)

Vegetable Jhalfrezi (Anglo-Indian dish)

Vegetable Korma (Indo-Persian and now a british favourite)

Enjoy your meal! Bon appetite

And hence starts the summer vacation

Summer vacation, a golden time of the year in the lives of school/college goers. And for the primary school kids, summer vacation is even more golden as they still are toddler like in many ways, they still can spend hours in pretend role plays, they still can make imaginary boat, aeroplane or a car from a cardboard carton. As a social rule they go to school everyday, are getting trained for constructive daily routines inside the class-rooms but they do desire  for and also need the non-constructive free time where they can mess up with play dough or water-colours in the name of art and craft, run around in the gym area or play ground, or can search for lady bugs, grasshoppers and long lines made by ants in the garden!

In India summer vacation brings a great relief for children, their teachers and families from extreme heat, and the time is mainly spent inside the house or in somebody else's house  (grand parents for example!). Storybooks, ice creams, Television, drawing, painting and visits from guests or friends are typical rituals in this time. Summer vacation is almost a necessity here, it is the autumn and winter vacations when the holidays are welcomed through different events by school like fair and cultural programmes. Summer vacation starts after annual exams are over and results are out, children feel quite tired by then after heavy load of academic performance. It is mainly from April to June, approximately 6-8 weeks. With the beginning of Monsoon starts the new term in schools.

In Europe summer arrives little late so time for summer vacation is from July to August (also around 6-8 weeks). I remember reading about details of a summer day in the month of August in Enid Blyton books as a child and always wondered why the month of August is so hot? and now I know why. Here in Europe June, July and August are summer months and also this is the best time to  travel and see Europe.

Summer vacations is highly anticipated in European school calendars  and the mood sets off almost a month ago. The custom of annual examination is almost nil here. Academic performances are monitored through out the year and are documented in a format called personal learning plan (PLP). Therefore the last school term is full of events. Picnics, Penny fair, theatre, sports day, poem competition, disco, a visit  to a local botanical garden or a zoo, book fair, folk dance night, health and safety day are some of the many. In this last term of the school year children get active in arranging and participating in these events and regular routine of numeracy, literacy takes a back seat. But children love these events and learn a lot from them. They practice all the mathematics skills they have earned in their classes for buying and selling things in penny or book fair.  They learn new songs, poems and so several new words from the cultural activities. Social awareness like safe living and  environment consciousness are picked up by them more generously through these events than when they are taught about them through books, blackboards or in the written form of questions and answers.

Finally the last day arrives and although as a parent I always gave enormous importance to the first day of the school year, but here I learnt that the last day of the school is equally important. A proper good bye is as necessary as a hearty welcome.  In a small primary school in UK, I saw how the whole school gathered together on the last day of their school, cheered up the final year students and wished them luck for their next stage they are going to start in the secondary school. The head teacher in her charming speech encouraged them by saying "You joined the school as little children but now you are leaving the school as little adults and I don't know about the world but you all are just ready to face the world!" The whole school also thanked all the teachers and staff and said good bye to those who will not be joining them in next term. Then after a final speech from the head teacher the school dispersed with a happy holiday note. 

In the school closing ceremony when I asked some of the kids about what are they going to do in the summer vacation, most of them giggled and said they have no clue, but they are very happy that the vacation starts and they are sure that it will be only fun!  

Are cartoons the new cousins?

Cousins (first, second or n-th) I have them in plenty. In my travel laden random childhood, I did not get the luxury to grow in a large joint family or in a village where half of the people are family. But I had chances to meet them, every year, during summer vacation and some years even twice;  i.e.,  also during Durga Puja (biggest festivals of Bengali - Hindus) or during family celebrations like marriages. As a child and now too I always look forward to meet with my cousins during those  holidays.  

The time gap between two meetings never came in-between and we could always start our chattering and blabbering conversation whenever we met from the point we left last time with any of my cousins. Holidays were the time of stealing pickles from grandmas store, licking them with mouthful of water and sharing stories about schools and colleges, specially the likings, flirts and serious affairs. Before that we shared Tintin comics, lollypops, tricycles and chewing gums. Slowly in the process of growing up the elder cousins got married and then I got married and the younger ones  still there, lingering, but the whole bunch of us who used to hang around under the mango tree in a hot summer afternoon waiting for ice-cream vendor have not met for a long time.

But thanks to all these social networking sites  that we do hang around and share our lives in photos and scraps even though virtually. We haven't met with each others husbands or wives but we have included them in our friend lists too. Cousins do play a vital role in my life or in anybodies life of my generation.

Now if I fast forward a bit and look into the days of 'J', annual vacation for her means a trip to another European country. It is only in once in few years that she visits India and when her parents get time to go to India her cousin's parents might not be there. Therefore she actually doesn't know what cousins actually mean.

But if I dig little deeper, she does have some cousin like figures in her life, whom she admires, praises, follows and smiles at. She gets addicted to them one at a time and her choice changes with her growing up.

If I can remember correctly (although forgetfulness is increasing steep high with my age!) Caillou is the first cartoon character whom 'J' started to copy when she was around two and half or three. Caillou is a four year old boy who lives with his sister and parents and does all those things which will hook any body from 2-5 years of age. Along came Teletubbies, Barney, Bob the builder, Thomas the tank engine and so on.

She used to watch them, read about them, colour their printable, act like them and sing the title songs.

Then came another strong character called Pippi Longstockings and her friends like Madita and so on.

Pippi can easily match one of my those strong headed cousin sisters who were my guru and still are, whom I followed with all the sincerity and integrity from the time of me being a small girl.

Charlie and Lola, excellent creations by Lauren Child are exactly the cousin brother-sister duo I had, the ones who were always there to help each other out in the board games of a Ludo or snap! 'J' loves watching Lola throwing all the tantrums and how her elder brother Charlie wraps them up. On seeing them, 'J' always mentions it is nice to have an older brother. Also she loves watching Peppa pig, her brother George, her friends  and family. Her other favourite characters includes strawberry shortcake, spot- the spotty dog, Kipper  and the world of Peter rabbit . Each and every one of them tell a tale about worries and there solutions in the lives of young children, about friendship and about fun.

Recently I can see that she is getting inclined to the high school characters like Gabriela and Troy from High School Musicals  and the Barbie movies, her favourite story or cartoon characters are also growing in age like her. 

Cartoons may not replace the role of a cousin and I am sure 'J' will get chances to meet with her cousins and then get friends with them.

But now seeing her engrossed in these characters only thing I feel is that childhood is all about admiration, following and sharing worries weather it is with a loving cousin or a charming cartoon!

Do you think the same?