Why work-life balance is perceived as an issue for working women only?

Why work-life balance is perceived as an issue for working women only?

Women “fall in love” and “cry” when criticized in laboratory: A light hearted comment on Women in Sciences

Women “fall in love” and “cry” when criticized in laboratory: A light hearted comment on Women in Sciences

Are you a buddy at your work place? | Workplace | SHEROES

Are you a buddy at your work place? | Workplace | SHEROES

How not to disengage women from Sciences? | Workplace | SHEROES

How not to disengage women from Sciences? | Workplace | SHEROES

Lessons learnt and looking forward to the rest of 2014

Life has come to a juncture when years merge from one to another and keep rolling. It’s kind of late now to talk about beginning of a year but that’s fine. Life seems to continue from one year to another but I do make effort to have some bullet points for each year whether in personal, or professional or social life, whether in the form of goals achieved or lessons learnt. I do prefer to take last few days of the calender off to rewind, reunite with extended families, travel or just stay at home. More appropriately try to get some time to think about life.  

Also this is the time to re-emphasize some thoughts from not just last year but in last many years when this phase of my life started, in India, in corporate etc.

Only hard work is in our hands: Life brings many situations to us, and we need to accept those, and keep moving to the next moment, next day and next phase of our lives. Those situations could be a result of many factors. Of all the factors only hard work and ability to learn are in our hands, every thing else like luck or to be at right place in right time are not in our control. So I have learned to work hard and learn fast so that even if I get 30% of that as a result I shall be able to be at peace.

Strategy, planning, networking, flexibility, warm behavior, firmness are synergistic to hard work: Although we cannot control our luck according to our plan, but taking calculated risks, having a plan B (or C even), ability to take decisions and live with it, flexibility to accept a new situation thrown onto us, patience for listening to others and giving respect to others do help along with the hard work. Similarly being confident about our decisions, assertive, and firmness to some of your requirements are also respected in life.

Consistency helps too: There are times when we get demotivated and uninspired for so many reasons and start taking things casually. It might be okay for a short period of time but it is essential to recoil and rebound as soon as possible and keep working consistently at all aspects of our life including relationships. There are times when this becomes the most challenging thing to do but we need to keep reminding ourselves that this shall also pass.

Know your money: It is vital to acknowledge the money we earn. Most of the happy moments cannot be bought with money but it is a critical factor to check our lives. We need to learn to value it and value the source it is coming from. We need to learn to invest it. It is very important to be aware of the price our skills and qualifications can bring to us. We should know where it is all going through are cards. It is also required to acknowledge that there will be time in life when we will take decisions considering other priorities of our life and not money.

Breathers: I have identified the need of breather to continue living. It is easy to take leave from office physically. But it takes some effort not to think about work for a day or two. I find I am so used of thinking about work at any time frame. Even more difficult is to get breather from home. Again it is easy to ignore the chores and let them pile on, but it is so difficult not to listen to J or to ignore the husband who keeps a watch that I am little off and start poking immediately. So my small breathers are some strict ‘me times’ to contemplate, to stare the TV screen, to sleep without counting hours and sitting with a blank state of mind. For me and my entangled thoughts this helps. There are times when I announce that I am going to have 'me time' and others accommodate.

Community: This is a very important learning that I cannot solve things or go on in life without support and discussion with other people. Indian women are conditioned to keep mum regarding issues or situations in their life and are trained to bring an ever smiling calm picture to others. I believed in this for a long time. I learned slowly that I need to speak out, bring out my problem out there to other women and men as well. It is okay some people will be judgmental and that is lesson learnt but there will be some who will agree to me too.   

Identify an issue and it will be handled eventually: This is a wisdom I learned from my PhD supervisor that if we are going through a process or situation or performing an experiment, it is very important that we can identify, or categorize the question or issue and once that is done we will eventually find ways to solve this or make peace with them. Sometimes we keep revolving with same situation without real analysis of the reason.  It is necessary to be objective and approach the situation through different angles. Objective root cause analysis for anything that is bothering us is helpful.

Break it small: Many activities and duties posses a daunting image in front of us. For any new parent, children bring a lot of changes in their life. In India new parents also get to listen many judgmental comments from people around them. When both parents are working the art of parenting becomes even more daunting. This result into strained relationships, chronic health issues etc. Breaking the entire task, situation into smaller portions and concentrating on that portion at a time can be helpful. Breaking a big task in smaller portions keep our sanity and we can observe the improvements while working as a team.

Have your own parameters: Life is full of goals that can be achieved, as young kids we did not hear many people going abroad for studies or working but now that is a norm. There were not many who had imported cars but now it is not a big deal. So now if we fall into that comparative mode where we find everyone else is doing better than us and happier than us then life will be so miserable. We might see people going for foreign trips every year, we might see people investing in property every year, we might have parents or relatives constantly inquiring about our professional and financial well-being, but we need to set our parameters on our priorities. It is okay to gauge success as per world’s convention but that should not be the only way of defining our lives. We need to have our own parameters to live our life our own progress chart and metrics.  Going to a nearby park with a picnic bag can be of immense fun, try this at least once.

Health is important too: Of all the stress and hurried activities we go through on daily basis. It is important to take a step back and analyse whether taking all of them is necessary. Some urgency is created by us and can be dealt with later or never. Some milestones can be avoided and some gaps can be ignored. We need to walk more, move more, give more, eat mindfully, and laugh more to live a life which we are craving for.

Falling into new routine- the ripples

It is one and a half months now. My job life has started, for the first time in India. This is after 5 and half years when I and J's papa are working together again. In last 5 and half years we were either not in one place when we both were working or I was not working when we were living together. It therefore needed some recap of those days when both of us used to get up, get our tea, get ready and go to our respective offices.
The job has created some new ripples in our little world of three and we all got little off the stage to adjust with the new routine.

This time unlike the last ones, I have a 9-6 job, 9 hours fixed, cards get swiped, time gets noted, work gets done.

Time keeping is very important in my recent work. I, in contrast dwell in the layers of time. My new job demands lots of time calculation. Hope I will learn the skill now.  I am trying to use up the nine hours in office to its fullest and then shut the computer and my mind from work.

Back into 9 to 6 time table

Yes, after few months of hiatus and afternoon naps, I am back in the work life. For this moment this job is providing me the specifics of living in same place as my husband's, allowing me family time and a decent packet. Although this is not first job for me but there are many things I am doing in this job for  the first time.

• This is the first time I am working outside of an university.
• This is the first time I will not be handling any chemical.
• This is the first time I will not be collecting data sitting in front of a big machine.
• This is the first time my supervisor's designation is a manager and not a professor.
• This is the first workplace for me where I see lots of women from lower level to the highest level of the career ladder.

How organised you are?

Unfortunately I am not. Once on seeing my scrap book (real one) where I had collections of write ups from friends, seniors and teachers since I finished my class 4, one of my friend while we were in college said, "Your scrap book is very enriched but not organized, very much like you." I took that comment more as a compliment than a criticism. Yes, it is by default that I cannot live in a organized,  neat, preplanned way, but I do like to live a random; zig-zag kind of life, but where I get opportunity to learn.  Experienced people in different times have told me  "Don't do something that you want to learn but think what will be good for you or for the ongoing project." I agree, but also if the things needed to be done for the project or for my good, don't raise my interest, then they will not be able to keep me running for long term. I was adamant at this logic few years ago, but with time I learned that interests do cultivate with time, if it is not very faraway from your core liking. So I keep going with my randomness, may be with more precaution added each year.

The scenario of randomness gets heightened specially in the mornings of the days when I  invite someone for a dinner. I see the plethora of work to be done, I see the different surfaces in the living room, covered with magazines, bills, other stuffs like keys, papers etc. etc. But somehow situation do get under control at the end.

But things get even more tough before going to a conference,  or moving out or before a  big project. I keep making lists but somehow I feel that one directional list is not enough in these situations, some kind of three dimensional spider web shaped lists are needed where I can do three jobs at a time.

And most of the time I feel that this critical condition happens to me only. Please comment generously and support me by  saying that I am not alone in this state of mind.

There might be one more reason behind this feeling of self criticism is that I live amidst of super organizers.  My colleague in office; his table is ever neat, his notebooks are very clean and his results and literature are always updated. His motto in life is one at a time. Another friend of mine, talks very less, very efficient + organized worker, keeps very good laboratory notes, and never takes work back home. Although she says it is because of the nature of her job, but I don't know if I would have ever been able to do that. Another close friend, well he is not exactly organized but is very good in prioritized approach, he does things needed to be done in proper time and not necessarily he does it all  but he does the most needed work (remember that urgent vs. important phenomena). And common in all these people are they are very focused. When they work they work and when they watch movie they watch movie.

They don't think about a movie (or child or parents or what to cook in the evening or I need to pay the telephone bill latest by tomorrow) while working or think about work while watching movie. Yes, I do do that, not always, but at those times when I feel the need to do three kinds of work at a time. The worst I do now-a-days is read stories to 'J' without absolutely understanding what is happening in the story, meaning my eyes read and my brain think about all those pending underlined works from the list.

Till now, I have noticed I go through three (or three and  a half) stages before a big project, first is ignorance where I underestimate the robustness of the project and feel relaxed that it will get finished. In this period, I try to understand the project, read about it, frame the questions and so on. Irrespective of whether it is a  question in my laboratory or at home, like teaching alphabets to 'J'. This is a slow phase, and is a calm one.

Then comes a period where I am acting, finding answers to one question but facing two new questions after finishing of each act, this state of mind is very exciting and tiring as well. Any project whether the scientific ones which are dealt in the academic levels in laboratories or the home ones like teaching your child to learn reading are never ending, there remains always some unanswered questions, there remains always scope for further refinements. But at this period of action I think not only I, but everybody wants to get the best. This is the most occupied state, sometimes depressing too. This is also the stage where I feel the need of more hours in a day.

Then after dwelling a while in the previous stage comes a time where I say to myself okay this is it, these are the results, and these are the explanations,  these are the developments, these are the things I have learned, these are the things which can be done further, but at present it is beyond the scope. Once reached there it is a nice state of mind, satisfactory and calming. Here I watch movie and don't think of anything else.

Once having told that to myself, the next challenge, is to explain that to the collaborators/family members, bosses/family members and reviewers/family members. 

This stage of explanations can lead to a second round of action, where it is essential that I take care what others are expecting or thinking about the project, and take into account about their inputs. This step is very critical one as very fine tuning is needed while dealing with others opinion, it is extremely important that I respect others view, but I also try (still learning)  to put forward those points of mine which I think are necessary, important and reasonable for the project, for me. Again it is true both at work and home front. Normally there is a trend of getting emotional at this state, specially when I have put long hours in finishing or achieving something and an expectation arise that if I am respecting and understanding another person's views s/he should think for me too. But I have learned again and again that it is better to express my views than to keep expecting that my views will get heard/understood automatically. A stressful situation arises when I and others don't believe on same principle. So when I say this is right the other might say no you are absolutely wrong. This can be true, as  everybody has his/her own way of dealing a certain situation/problem/habit. Everybody aims for different deliverable from same project. There can be conflict of interests. A common platform is needed to be found out, in work front this can be tackled by arranging tactfully the experimental evidences, literature from other works to support/not support my/others views. At home front also very honest and logical approach is necessary.

Discussion is always important. Putting forward my own thought I feel is necessary, although l am still learning this art. Words unsaid could not be heard or understood, words are made to be told, of course balance is necessary, politeness is an absolute must and exaggeration should be avoided .

Well I think everybody goes through these states of mind, only difference is that the time period we spend in each of these state, may categorize us into organized vs. not so organized ones.

For me impulsiveness does override the compulsiveness in a situation, leads to a long period of 'do it all' state.  Sense of prioritization is also bit fizzy in me; for example now I am writing this blog and not thinking about tomorrows meal. A tug of war remains between what I should do to what I want to do. Lets see whether one amongst the two will win or the two will learn to live with each other may be not in an equal partnership but most probably in the 80:20  ratio.

Work-Life balance: Is there any?

Recently I was bit surprised to read a wall post on my FB from my cousin saying about not to mix professional and personal life. I was surprised as he is a first year college student, living with his very caring parents and so, he does not have any idea of professional and personal commitments as in real sense.

I immediately commented him that do you know that it is extremely difficult in todays world, he replied that this is his dream, though he does not know what the reality is and how his life will be. 

'Work-life balance' a very complicated and layered term I feel. It has different meaning for every person. It entirely depends on the kind of work he/she is involved in and the availability of social help for him or her. Today for some or I must say for most  of us it is fine to intertwine both together and proceed towards a blurred life.

After having many years of hovering guilty clouds in my mind shouting at me that I am the worst mother of the world and very bad in balancing work with life, I must say that at last I have been able to overpower those negative feelings recently (well most of the time).  My 6 and half year old child who stays almost 9-10 hours every weekdays without me (in school, after-school club or in a friends house) often tells me that she thinks that her mum is very funny and fine. You believe it or not this gives a tremendous boost to me and melts down slowly all those years of guilt consciousness I had grown in my mind while she was a toddler. 

Today whenever I see any toddler's mother feeling guilty about leaving her child in a day care for long hours I say her something which no body ever told me in that stage and that is "Don't worry, your child will not remember these days and believe me as long as her day care is a happy, safe and healthy place to stay your child will grow fine." Catching childhood illnesses at a day care is a common thing for a toddler going to day care for a long time and this period is a very testing period for every working parent.  This is also the time when most of the working mothers step down or out of their work. 

Work is ever growing and some professions like academics, medicine, law needs many more hours than normal 8 allocated for work in our world. With more women trying to enter in these fields, balancing between two demanding jobs and 1 or 2 small kids becomes a challenge for young parents to tackle it all, round the clock. It becomes a necessity for at least one of the parent to slow down ( often mothers) to keep things going.

Work - life balance is a never ending juggle and needs constant care specially when kids are small, any of the family member get sick or before a big project. On several occasions one don't have any family help and cannot afford to hire extra hands. Often at these situations the level of patience decreases among couples resulting into disharmony between them. But understanding of each others work schedule and joint approach towards parenting often is the best way to overcome these jumbled up days.

Then comes another situation where when two parents are doing same or even different kind of jobs and it is very common that they don't find jobs in the same cities and one of them might need to commute either daily, weekly, quarterly or even yearly. Distant parents miss the milestones of growing child and the nearby parent keep getting more stressed. In these situations other members of the family specially grand parents can be a great help but it is not always possible for many, for examples for expats or when grand parents themselves are ill. Prioritizing work and domestic chores, reaching out for  help with other families and communities, increasing social interactions is extremely important to overcome the feeling of loneliness and overwhelming responsibilities. Trying every possible way to reduce the separation time between family members is worth trying although it can pinch ones pocket. And finally if possible it is always good to find a final solution to the distance.

All in all, an entirely equal world which has been a dream of many philosophers for years is not an easy state to achieve, with equal rights to education and having similar jobs for both men and women the balance which has been created from long time in history of raising a child, looking after the house by a woman and earning and bringing money home by a man has got all entangled now. It requires few more generations to create a new kind of balance between work and life.

Some more interesting links : Time to hire a housekeeper (Science Magazine) 

                                               Scientist dad step up (Science Magazine),

Amidst of things to do labyrinth

Working pattern has changed completely in our days, although we hear a lot about companies providing facilities to work from home and do flexi timings, but that actually means we need to work at night or in the weekends or even during annual leaves. Works are no longer done in paper by pen. They are done in computers by computers and we are there to analyse, criticise, regularise and control the works done by them. Their comes the problem. If we need to send a letter to somebody it takes five minutes, we get the reply with in next five minutes and then we need to do the next step the chain continues and a 9 to 5 job expands to 24 hours. This is affecting all the professions. I am in science and can easily feel the difference. Fifteen years ago when I started in this field I was expected to make graphs and the do the analytical calculations in a notebook. The data obtained from the instruments I used then were not so complex. They did not need further back up by theoretical simulations. The information obtained from those studies were also much more crude. But that was the level and everybody were following same way of working. PCs were there but we were still limited to work place. We did not started carrying our laptops with us and we did not have mobiles in our hands. Now every instrument is computerised and is able to deliver large number of data with no time. Data needs to be explained and analysed by us and it creates a pressure on us when the supply of data and their analysis are not done in same pace. The art of doing science has become very elaborate. Detailed structural analysis, functional information and reaction mechanism is required for a peer reviewed publication or grant approval. International collaborations, world class facilities and easy access to scientific information has also mobilised the scientific community as a whole. The gap between developed and developing countries in delivering good research is decreasing and that is also creating extra stress on individual level. Hundreds of students now a days migrate to different countries to pursue their Masters, Phd and Postdoctoral research and then they either stay in the host country or come back to their homeland for better perspective. In both cases they need to be very very competitive and are expected be able to live a highly stressed life. Work is becoming life and when we get little time out of work we try to fulfil all our incomplete wishes and thus get stressed again. This cycle many times creates immense dissatisfaction, chronic health problems and unhappiness. It is a high time that we learn to distinguish between positive and negative stress. Career is needed to be taken care of but there are many other things which are also needed to be cared for.